The core wound is a trauma that occurs sometime in childhood and unless addressed, it hangs around throughout life. One mother left her daughter with a great aunt and didn’t return until the child was 8 years old. Then the child had to figure out how to grieve losing her great aunt and reconnect with her mother who returned expecting her to love her. She felt insecure for many years.
Trauma may be in the form of abandonment during the formation of internal security, or betrayal through emotional or physical abuse or neglect. Or it could have been in the form of observing your parent abuse the other one. This powerful hurt can result in a child feeling like s/he cannot trust others; problems with healthy attachment; i.e.; problems with making and keeping contact with friends or loved ones, tendencies to chase after or put up with people who are mean to you, or twining with your partner by having no emotional space, which results in never being able to do anything separately. Or, because of anxiety, it may be that you have problems with following through sexually with your partner.
If you have trouble shifting mental states, which we talk about as so important in living a healthy life, it may be that you are still suffering with these hurts. It is likely that you need to build the developmental learning that allows you to move into healthy functioning. This is done by hypnotically building security and learning that the fearful feeling that arises in relation to others is just a habituated response learned a long time ago. Then we tell a story to ourselves about why we feel the feeling, and overlay a future expectation on to the story. To learn how to interrupt the story and the inner movie, move into calmer states, and shift from a negative expectation to curiosity about what is possible. Some times this is much easier done with a therapist. And by the way, anything is really possible. This is crucial in creating a new future.
Carol and Bill will be travelling to Italy to present two workshops in their work in resilience and trauma.
Have a great rest of the summer.
Visit our facebook page: The Milton Erickson Inst of Houston
Carol and Bill